Nope, it's clearly not the best and certainly not the most interesting segments in the history of hardrock. It's merely just a dodgy RU article with 50 at random picked moments that stuck on you like glue, ever since you first heard of them. Some of them are funny, weird or tacky... while others are simply just tragic and sad. The title says it all really... it's: Merely 50 of The Weirdest, Dumbest, Tackiest or Simply Just Tragic Moments In The History of Hard Rock & Heavy Metal - Part: 1.  

The day Biff Byford (Saxon) decided to wear spandex tights [1984].

Scorpions releases "Virgin Killer" featuring a photo of a naked pre-teen girlie [1976].

David Lee Roth, (the ultimate frontfigure of hardrock) turns out to be a "comedian" as he performs a tacky, hillbilly version of "Jump" at Jay Leno's Tonight Show. He went through the entire song with a silly grin on his face and some truly wacky stage movements. The date of the accident? 6/6/6 (6th of June 2006), yes, the devil appeared and rock n'roll was officially proclaimed as dead [2006]

Whitesnake transforming into a bunch of cross-dressers with their "lovely" new image [1987].

The unmasking of KISS, a disaster to the fans and the greatest image in rock history is forever lost. We just wanna be a "ordinary" band from now on, Gene & Paul said. Oh shut-up, what's so great about being "ordinary" anyhow? [1983].

"Let's Get Rocked" with Def Leppard - the most annoying hardrock chorus ever??? Let's get , let's get, let's get, let's get rocked x100. You're really fed up with this as the refrain kicks infor the 22nd time... barf!!! [1992].

The two bozo's pretending to be Peter Criss & Ace Frehley in full make-up and costumes. KISS is from this point on forever lost to sheer greed and tragic-comic events [2001].

Deep Purple's Ian Gillan joins Black Sabbath and fans from both camps goes bezerk in the streets. You can actually compare this to Sol Campbell's (Tottenham) transfer to Arsenal. And to merely add fuel to the fire, they also included "Smoke on The Water" in their setlist and a Stonehenge stage set, which was too big to fit indoor venues [1983].

Ted "Motormouth" Nugent, let's face it, there are simply too many weird moments and ideas from this fella´ :-) [1975-].

The famous "bottle incident" when Skid Row vocalist, Sebastian Bach, was first bottled on stage and then threw it right back.. straight in the face of some young and innocent girlie fan [1990].

Poison, the image, the first album cover, the songs, the musicians, nuff said [1986].

Bruce Dickinson leaves Iron Maiden and his replacement, Blaze "Boring" Bailey is definitely the wrong man at the wrong place at the wrong time [1993].

Thor (Keep the dogs away) and his incredible stage show which included bent iron bars and blown up hot water bottles [1984].

What if you're too krazy to hang out with Ozzy & Blackie Lawless? Don Costa, that's what if, the infamous bassist got throw out of both acts (Ozzy & WASP) during the early/mid 80's. Costa used to cut himself with a cheese grinder on stage and much, much, worse [1982-1983].

Ozzy Osbourne bites the head of a dove at a Epic (record company) meeting in New York. The Oz-man signed a new record deal and decided to liven up the place with some fun carnage :-) [1983].

Jackyl and that goddamn awful "Chainsaw" (lumberjack) song [1991].

The split up of Thin Lizzy. Their PR decided to boost ticket sales by announcing this to be their farwell tour and Thin Lizzy "have to" go through with the break-up???? [1983].

Michael Schenker walks out of his audience again... and again... and again... and again [1971-4ever]

Heavy Pettin enters The Eurovision Song Contest with the song "Romeo" and a entire hardrock generation is forever gobsmacked. Worse things to come though (see 2006). [1987]

The endless b.s. tour of the band "Thin Lizzy". C'mon, Thin Lizzy without Phil Lynott would be the same as Motörhead w/o Lemmy or Whitesnake w/o Coverdale... utter nonsense!!!! enough is enough [1999-].

What? you're not supposed to bang the drummer's wife? Richie Kotzen gets too friendly during his Poison days [1993].

Stratovarius and guitarist Timo Tolkki managed to receive one of the biggest recording contract (Sanctuary) since the golden era and it was clearly too much to handle. Raving mad of $$$, Tolkki sacked the entire band, hired a virtually unknown female vocalist and did a true metal photo session of her covered in blood? Fans went bezerk in the streets, tried to stab Tolkki to death, Tolkki went suicidal, record company went mad, Tolkki had to re-hire the old gang and they recorded the self titled 2005 album. The album took a dive for the worse and Sanctuary lost out one helluva lotta $$$ and went "basically" bankrupt in the process [2005].

The biggest metal act of its era (Metallica) records an entire album without any real guitar solos???? Let me write this again... no guitar solos??? [2003].

"Write Any Ballad Post-ANGEL Here" - Amazing and definitely crazy... Aerosmith ballads truly sucks during the last 15 years [1989-].

Glen Benton of Decide promised to snuff himself before the age of 33. Ehem, I hate to bring this up... but a promise is a promise, Glen, you're long over due [1991].

The tragic moment when Randy Rhoades decided to scare the s**t out of Ozzy by flying a small aircraft too damn close to their tour bus R.I.P. [1982].

The song "Naughty Naughty" by Danger Danger was probably THE reason to why an entire hardrock scene would end up dead in a couple of years time [1989].

Axl Rose transforming into planet bonkers [1992].

Eddie Van Halen transforming into planet bonkers [2000].

Jon Bon Jovi transforming into planet boring... zzz! [1993].

Kurt Cobain & Nirvana gets away with ripping off Boston and their mega hit "More than A Feeling". How? well, they basically reused the almost identical riff (play 'em), renamed it as "Smells Like Teen Spirit", and managed at the same time to kill off an entire rock scene (including Boston) [1991].

Styx records "Kilroy Was Here" and the phrase "domo arigato, mr.roboto" will forever be connected to dumb and pompous rock [1983].

Godzilla - the bassist of Madam X, his entire show image was to bang his bass-guitar as hard as he could against his own head - say no more [1984].

The day Richie Blackmore decided to replace Ian Gillan with Joe Lynn Turner and at the same time not replacing the name Deep Purple with Rainbow [1990].

Gary Glitter, his latest victims were 10 and 11 years old and he's currently under lock and key in Thailand. Do people still buy the bastard's CD's? Jesus Christ - let's hope not. I'm sure he'll receive some kind of royalties for old songs. In other words: if you buy CD's or play his songs on radio/TV, YOU/media are also helping him out to continue with his asian tour of child molestation!!! [1970-].

The sad fact that none of Warrant's "real" guitarist played on their first two albums. Keep that in mind while you complain on all the fake boybands [1988-1990].

Kevin DuBrow's wig (Quiet Riot) [1987].

The hairdo of Vinnie Vincent's (ex-Kiss) at the time drummer, Bobby Rock, that darn mullet had a life of its own and was seen eating breakfast at McDonald every morning [1987].

Cliff Burton dies and along with him the greatness of Metallica. The really tacky ones are stating: it would have been better off if the entire band had gone with him that day. The good name of Metallica and their music would have lived on forever - tacky indeed [1986].

Ozzy takes a piss (literally) at Alamo [1982].

The right-wing conservative bastards who decided to bring Judas Priest to court over "subliminal messages" on their records. Once and for all - it really doesn't matter what you put in the hands of the really disturbed. Give them a bible and they will kill themselves in the name of God, give them a bird and they'll probably try to fly off a roof. And yes, give them any CD and they will probably snuff themselves for the love of music [1989].

Def Leppard tried to convince Jim Steinman (Meat Loaf) to produce "Hysteria". Steinman managed to show up a couple of times but never actually did much, since he didn't fancy the colour of the studio carpet??? [1986].

Manowar sign their new recording contract in their own blood, only to find out that one of the members feels faint and had to be rushed to the hospital. Ouch, there goes the "true metal" warrior image [1982].

Doug Howard of the late 70's/early 80's pomp band, Touch, swollows a bee at the first Monster Of Rock festival and that's pretty much their legacy in metal [1980].

Spoof Hardrock comedy band, Bad News, gets a gig at Donington Monsters Of Rock. This is however not the "funny" moment, nope, the real comedy is that DORO & Warlock were first on the bill and had to go on stage before Bad News... oh dear... [1986].

Lordi, winners of Eurovision Song Contest 2006??? C'mon, metal is supposed to be dangerous and underground, not kiddie/grandma friendly and certainly not winners of such a lame event as Eurovision... or??? [2006].

Survivor could talk the talk in the 80's - but could they walk the walk? Ehem, well, not regarding to the utterly horrible "Eye Of The Tiger" video. Take a look at Jim Peterik for another "funny walk" approach (Monty Phyton) as they rush through the streets in a "hey-i'm-sooo-not-metal" moment [1982].

Jon Bon Jovi & Richie Sambora's slave contract with Skid Row which entitled them to 100 per cent of Skid Row's publishing royalties for the debut album [1989].

"The Final Countdown" - every Swede hates it with a passion, since its been played to death over here. Europe have at least 25 better songs by the way. Well, it's not a song really, it's merely a keyboard fanfare with the occasional lyrics. God Bless Blackburn Rovers for playing this at every homegame as their intro-song :-) [1986].

The dumbest moment of all? yeah... probably this very article [RockUnited - 2007].

by Urban "Wally" Wallstrom, (c) 2007